A few years ago, when I was having lunch with my best friend, Bess, the waiter kept say "you guys" to us. Bess told the waiter we were definitely not "guys" and asked him if he wanted to know why. He replied in the affirmative and she, pointed to her buxom bosom and said, "because we have THESE!" The waiter's eyes widened and he said, "Oh, yes, I see. I'm sorry. How may I help you ladies?" Since then, I've been on a campaign to check folks who refer to ladies as "guys". It is ingrained into the vernacular of the society in the U.S. and abroad. Amazingly, every restaurant staffer seems to think it is appropriate to call females "guys". Being the Diva that I AM, I do not see the term as appropriate and I continue to check people when they refer to any group I am with, male and female, as "guys". If I am in a mixed-gender group at an event, immediately, I speak up and say, pointing to the males, "they are guys, but I AM NOT a guy." Of course, this causes even the people in
my group to raise an eyebrow. I don't care. I have a right to choose how I
allow others to address me. Just like no woman would allow anyone to address
her as "Mr." she should not allow anyone to refer to her as a
"guy". In her book, POWER AND WISDOM: THE NEW PATH FOR WOMEN, Dr. Priscilla V. Marotta states:
Now, Bess thinks I'm being too aggressive with this campaign. She was simply being coy and cute, when she started telling folks not to call her a guy because she has "THESE!" But, I'm convinced that I have to continue to educate men and women about their choices in addressing each other. This younger generation of women use the term even more than the males. They are constantly referring to each other as guys. To me, it is nauseating. Oprah even does it! It needs to STOP and I'm on a journey to convince people to STOP IT! Over a decade ago, my spiritual teacher, David told me that I needed to get over my gender issues, which, I admit, I do have. Why? As the founder of WOMEN IN JAZZ SOUTH FLORIDA, INC., I am well aware of the marginalization of women in the music industry. It's all about sex appeal, not musicianship or talent. Too many female musicians have been omitted from roles of "Jazz Giants" because of gender discrimination. The other problem is the increase or coming out of male-on-male romance. Lesbians try hard to act like males, which reinforces the "guys" syndrome. But, I am a heterosexual woman who doesn't relish being called a "guy" and I'm sticking to my point. If you think men are equal to women, read the next column. This is an email I received, today, July 3, 2008, from a dear male friend and musical colleague. |
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks
After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can
handle it. Just don't send it back to me. I'm going to bed. -- NH Now, I have to admit that my Dad
is a great father. He participated in our upbringing and care on a
daily basis and I believe this is why I'm such a well-adjusted woman,
today. My son, Michael, is a great father too.
This I can tell you, I AM WOMAN, see me rise! |
COURT CASE #69 July 3, 2008
Joan,
I am going to sue your ass for putting my half naked ass on
the internet without my permission.
see you in court, diva witch!!!
you coulda warned me!!!
also, you know i don't give a shit about being called guys.
I choose my battles and this sure aint on of 'em!!!!
you just wait!!! did i tell you I am writing a book????
all will know all!!! ASAP!!!!
cc: My Lawyah!!!
ps: this is my feedback, you lamia
(Lamia Greek Mythology A monster
represented as a serpent with the head and breasts of a woman that ate
children and sucked the blood from men. ) !!!
CORRECTION: I didn't put yo ass on the Internet! jc |
See:
Joan, Good Evening! How are you? Thanks so much for thinking of me! I got a chuckle out of the article which noted that women are often referred to as "guys". I love the response that your best friend Bess gave to the waiter!!!! This sort of things goes on a lot in Corporate America. Caucasian men are guilty of addressing folks -- as "guys" --- whether they are male or female. I witnessed an incident where a lawyer (Caucasian) addressed a group of women who were secretaries as "guys" in his office. He looked them squarely in the eye, and said, "Okay guys ....". After he completed his sentence/talk, one of the women looked at him and said: "Bob, do we look like guys to you?" While I am not a feminist, I like you, expect to be treated with respect. And as for sexism and gender issues, they do exist. There are times when I am working with men in business matters I feel that if I were a man, there would be a totally different conversation!!!! Many men do not take women seriously. Well, maybe I shouldn't say many. But there are men out in the world who do not take women seriously. And yet, on the flip side, there are men out in the world who do take women seriously and who treat women as equal partners. I was mentored by one, fell in love with one and spent most of my adult life with one until his death 9 years ago!. And thank you so much for the valuable work that you are doing through WOMEN IN JAZZ SOUTH FLORIDA, INC. You are doing great work in keeping our art form and gift to the world alive. It pains me to no end that we have at least 1-2 generations of African Americans (the teens, 20-somethings and 30-somethings) who have no clue about who Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughn, Carmen McRae, Max Roach, Stanley Turrentine, Count Basie, Duke Ellington, Joe Williams, the Modern Jazz Quartet, Bessie Smith, Billie Holliday, Lionel Hampton, and you are and their contributions to music and to the world! And I loved the "Next Survivors Series" article! That was too funny! On a serious note, I loved what you had to say about your Dad. Yes, his dominant presence in your life as you made the journey from childhood to womanhood is the reason why you are such a strong, well-adjusted, no-nonsense, "step out on faith" woman! And thank you so much for adding the address of the blogs for IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD(R) and CHILDREN'S CORNER. You are a
phenomenal woman. I admire your strength, your talents, your
creativity and your courage. I know that your journey has not
been easy. Thanks again for getting in
touch with me. >Have a wonderful Holiday
Weekend! All the best, Diane A. Sears |